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Demons and Honey

Everyone knew the sound of death when they heard it. No firework or engine backfire could shake your heart like that. The gunshot was loud, and before the echo had fully dissipated, the body was found. 

They didn’t find the gun, or the bullet, or any kind of evidence at all, but there was no doubt in anyone’s minds that it was Mira.

The witnesses came later, though they weren’t much help. Just said what was obvious to everyone—a body was sprawled on the linoleum floor, the sickly reflection slowly getting engulfed by a pool of blood that spread like wings from where it lay. 

Something malicious and dark possessed her, and when she was found, she was smiling, ripped, and torn.

But here’s the truth, naked and bare.

It was never a gunshot, that sound.

It was the sound of something inside Mira breaking.

And the thing full of malice within her is what became of the fragments, but more honest still, none of that matters. Because of the body on the floor, which is still dead. Very, very dead.

The events leading up to this scene started a long, long time ago. With Mira’s dad, Papa. And Mira. Papa, when he couldn’t find it in other women, found comfort with cheap convenience store-bought beer. Soon enough, Papa stopped hurting Mira where it wouldn’t show and began to hurt her where it did. It began to hurt everywhere, inside and outside. And when Mira wanted to pull her skin off it hurt so bad, she stole a few sips from Papa’s comfort.

Right then, what Mira needed was a mother, but Mama didn’t deal in mothering. She cried most of the time and hugged Mira on occasion, but that wasn’t near enough to heal Mira’s relentless pain. Didn’t get anywhere close.

She was seventeen and just wanted it all to stop.

Everything.

It was so terribly awful that Mira began to call for someone to make it all end so the pain would stop, please. And who else could come in such dire times but the Devil himself?

He held her in his arms, and to her, he looked just like the angel he used to be.
“I can save you,” he whispered to her in the dark. “I just need a little something from you in return.”

“What’s that?”
“You know, nothing much. Just those dreams of yours. You make more every night, so it’s really not much to ask.”

Mira was never stupid, but it is rather difficult to think straight when you’re in an inexplicable degree of pain. In her hurt, she agreed.

“Just quickly,” she begged. “Just do it fast.”

And so in small doses, the Devil began to save her. She expected it to smell putrid, like the stench of the dead, but it was so sweet, like honey. And she began to smile again even if she looked like a husk of herself.

She was still a mess for sure, but she laughed and danced and was sublimely happy.

Mama watched it all unfold and felt as though she should say something. But how could she? Who was she to speak against such things? After all, she was the one who hurt Mira in the first place.

The Devil stayed by her side and called her pretty every day and saved her, and she gave him her dreams, which she did create more of every night, she supposed.
But Mira, she was never an idiot. She began, soon, to question it. This freedom and joy. How could such pleasures come from the Devil? After all, the price the Devil tells you isn’t the price you’ll likely pay. So she stayed awake one night and waited for him to take her dreams. Mira held herself still as he climbed her body and calmed her breathing, though it was hard because he was crushing her heart and soul out of her. Like a large boulder sitting on her chest. And she was screaming suddenly. She remembered then that she had once wanted something more from life; she remembered her dreams, and not the kind that flashes beneath your eyelids.  Real dreams, big ones, to be someone bigger than she feared. They all felt so far away in that moment, that realization.

She slapped him and shoved him, and at first he raised a hand to her, but just as fast he began to speak softly to her. Words of what he had done for her, what they had, and, oh, how he loved. 

And though she was ashamed to admit it, she thought about it. Something inside her was aching to be pieced together, and he could do it. He could save her. That should have done it for her, but the very thing he saved told her not to go to him. It screamed and pleaded and so she gave in.

And she was sitting on her bed crying when he knocked. Of course he knocked, because the Devil was very polite. 

But when he knocked, there would be no answer. So he spoke through the door, pleading, begging, and promising. Mira wanted so badly to drug herself again with his sweet promises and smile and dance and be happy, but they were all of them lies. And suddenly Mira was Mira’s Mama now, and that’s why what was happening was happening. 

Mira chased him back, all the way down, down, down to Hell, and stood there facing him. Mira was done with the Devil. All of them.

And the black, putrid, fragmented thing came forth from within her. Then it was just her. Just her and a young boy—the Devil, Papa, whatever you wanted to call him—and he was dead, dead, dead as far as she was concerned. 

So when the police came, Mira was gone, and he was gone, and all that was left was the faint stench of death.
And honey.

The Echoes of Goodbye

The green translucent window from which I view the world is also my prison, confining me to a rather nauseating scene. The limits of my line of sight extend to families walking their dogs, children riding their bikes, or the occasional bee passing by my cage. I’ve never seen past this plastic cell. I’m not exactly keen on doing so either. I’ve seen what happens to our kind once we reach the open air. Dropping dead before we can utter a syllable of goodbye. Why? I sometimes scream at the universe. Why grant us the ability to rise yet not allow us to soar?

I know my time is coming soon. I can almost see the ungreenified sky when the top of my cage is pulled off. It’s okay. I’ve accepted it. I hear my brethren around me, foolishly excited to soon explore this maliciously human world. I wish I could warn them. I wish I could save them. But I lack the voice, and I am far too weak.

The “bubble wand” used to murder my ancestors is pulled up again. I watch, over and over, as my family falls limp before my eyes. I see. I see it all. And it pains me so. It strikes me deep in my very core. I’ve tried so, so hard to forget. But memory does have an uncanny habit of tapping the barrel of its gun to the inside of my skull, demanding me to remember. Remember my insignificance–simply a meaningless mass of liquid in a larger world.

My end gets closer by the second. The killing machine comes in again and goes out again. It brushes past, and I wish I could do something, anything. But all I can do is watch. And I see. I see it all.
My time has come to a close. The flimsy plastic stretches me uncomfortably thin across it. I wish I could stop, but I keep watching. I see, I see it all, and it overwhelms me.
Air pushes me from behind, inflating me into a still-living corpse. I watch. I prepare. Listen to excited chatter give way to panic as one by one we are picked away.

So I wait.
And I keep waiting.

Mother of the Sky carries me over rooftops and treetops, past beach and the ocean. I see it all, what my brothers and sisters could not, ascending higher and higher, living still.

I stare at the sunset for my brothers and sisters, sunlight playing yellow and orange hues on my surface.

I see.
I see it all.

I look to the fluffy pink sky and cry out with pain, again and again:
Why allow me to soar when all I knew was how to fall?

A Utopian Fable

I’m not afraid of death. I mean, no one is. In a perfect world, why would you be? The city lights never flicker, and the roads are always smooth. As I pass a construction site, I see someone slice open their hand on a rusty bolt and laugh. Like I said earlier, death isn’t an issue here.

My sneakers smack concrete as I walk up the stairwell of my apartment building. As if muscle memory, I go through the motions. Wave hello to my perfect neighbor Celine, walking her dog John, who never barks. Grab the package outside my door, turn key in lock and throw it inside. I step inside myself, and the putrid stench hits me almost instantly. I raise my colorless hand to my perfectly angled nose and frown. This part doesn’t usually happen. I follow the smell to my bathroom and push open the door. On the wall, written in bright red lipstick, “You are not living.”

My lower lip trembles, and I sprint down the steps, cut out the back door. As soon as I step outside, I trip on a crack in the sidewalk. That’s not right. It’s not—utopia lasts forever, right? I hear a shrill scream coming from the construction site I’d passed earlier. The worker who’d cut his hand sprints down the road bleeding—bleeding red?—from his right palm.

It is nature, we had forgotten, for all good things to end. More terrified faces falling over each other. Watching as realization overcomes the fear.

Who am I? Hell, I don’t even know what I look like.

The streetlight flickers.
I flicker back.

Shadow

I am a being
Devoid of light
156 long months
following someone
Who has everything
I do not.

I’m a constant silhouette.
A teller of time
Or a follower of it.

Chained like Atlas
Carrying the dead weight
Of what she has left behind.

I am a void
For screaming into
And an abyss
For falling.

I am an emptiness.
A black mass
Of nothingness.
There is no love in what I do.
No thrill,
And so I do not know what to think
For where there are no shadows
How far would she sink?

Wabi Sabi

I am out tonight putting together fragments of myself
In an effort to attain you, perfection.

I know that you are beautiful
And neat,
And pure,
All these things I am not.

Although lies I am fed
Convince me otherwise.

All things are created and destined to be broken someday.
Beautify the breakage.
Hold it close.
Love it.
And when it is time-

I am out tonight with a flame
Covering burn marks
Piecing myself together.

Leaving you behind.